Wake Up And Smell The Essential Oils: A Personal Testimony
- M. Hilton
- May 12, 2021
- 3 min read
This is not an attack on the fitness industry—It simply shines a light on the grift created by exploiting an anxiety-ridden society that is searching for a purpose outside of the individual experience.
Over two thousand miles away from home, I walked into a brightly colored yoga studio in search of a good workout and some new faces to meet. I climbed the front steps and was met with an intimidating stare from the instructor across the lobby. I explained that it was my first time at the studio and was met with an overwhelming amount of unwarranted praise. It felt good to be recognized in a city where I felt so alone and far from everyone I loved.
90 minutes later I felt an incredible rush of endorphins as I sweat out what felt like half of my body weight. As I left class, I was met with more praise and invited to grab margaritas down the street.
Fast-forward one year and I was sitting on a floor pillow in a room full of strangers discussing repressed memories of sexual assault. I sought to become a 200-hour certified yoga instructor, and in this pursuit, I experienced a level of emotional manipulation that seemed to come entirely out of left field.
In this room, we uncovered traumatic experiences with death to the point of tears — then fifteen minutes later we’d have a dance party. The rush that came from speaking in front of a room of forty fed a sense of pride I didn’t even know I had. Standing at the front of the room, I felt seen in a city where I was so incredibly lost.
The more the world pedestalizes us, the more we come to rely on this unreliable source of self-worth. The more we choose to indulge in this pride, the further we have to fall.
Once the pandemic hit, the studio closed and I was forced to face the reality of the deception that had its grip on me. Over Zoom, it became glaringly obvious that this was an emotional and spiritual assault. Up until this point, we had been diving into the reality of our broken nature without a steady foundation to rely on or come back to. In that room, we would expose the darkest and weakest parts of ourselves and then head home to sit in them alone, with no one to turn to. It wasn’t until finding the Truth that I was able to see how dangerous this was.
“In the not-so-subtle art of grifting… the grifter first identifies a problem you didn’t even know you had. --- There is a CRISIS, and it needs to be addressed. Funny thing about a true crisis… someone doesn’t have to tell you that there is one.” (M.L. Podsiedlik, 2021)
About to throw in the towel and move home, God brought me to a new set of steps, the steps of a non-denominational, Christian church. First, he led me to a boat on the fourth of July to meet a patriotic, joy-filled Christian woman that was living a life I longed for. She brought me to a Bible study full of women that were, and still are, on fire for the Lord.
That was my first introduction to what I now know as not just my fleeting version of the truth, but the Truth. Truth, that I can rely on in challenging times and come back to in life’s trials.
When our emotions are not centered in Christ, they rule us. We use our vices to escape the lows and stay in the highs as long as we can, not realizing that the roller coaster is slowly killing us.
In this, I’ve realized that there’s a difference between living in the present moment and only living for the present moment. Because the object of hope is future, but the experience of hope is present. And with the understanding of who Jesus is, for the first time in my life, I have an unshakeable sense of hope.
People often turn to these communities for healing and safety. For a moment, I thought maybe this was one isolated, unlucky scenario I’d happened to fall into with a weird studio. Then, I started to dive deeper into the boundaries that have been breached in the yoga world. The misuse of the position of trust occupied by a master of any branch of yoga has shown to be a slippery slope to forms of emotional and sexual exploitation.
This kind of grift can apply to any new age, "self-help" promise that preys upon our anxiety-ridden society. My personal account as an instructor sets the stage for a deeper dive into the roots of yoga itself, which we will explore over the next couple of weeks.
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