Unity: The Answer Is In The Problem & Other Jedi Communication Tactics [Perception Part Deux]

---

The buzz is all about unity, but how exactly do we attain it? Everyone says they want it, but no one seems to know how to achieve it. So, let’s start there.

The truth is, there are two different types of unity. One that exists, and one that will never exist. The kind that exists actually happens every single day, but this kind of unity is a funny thing... You don’t really notice it until it’s gone. Hearts grow cold. Hard. Closed. This kind of unity is abundant when disagreement is acceptable and not all-consuming. It exists when individuality doesn’t hinge on the notion of a blanketed form of acceptance, but more on a nuanced notion of tolerance. This unity exists when individual ideology expresses itself in varying degrees as it navigates the different tiers of everyday interactions.

The other form of unity is the notion of agreement. This type of unity can never exist. One person enjoys his sandwich cut diagonally, the other straight across. Unity does not come when one person forces another to cut his bread diagonally, and like it. Of course, mores are a bit more complicated than deli sandwich preferences.

The confusion about unity, when talking about America, arises when there’s a lack of agreement on its foundation. Conflating the foundational pillars of an overarching government with the foundational pillars of an individual’s life leads to internal dissonance. This confusion leaves an individual susceptible to influence and manipulation. When an individual can be coerced into actively enforcing their individual convictions on a scale that reaches beyond themselves it’s like convincing a person that because they like their sandwich cut diagonally, it’s okay to force everyone else to cut their sandwich diagonally. Unity is not forced agreement. When it comes to a governing body that upholds the notion of diversity and freedom, unity looks like compromise.

A healthy family is made up of a diverse set of characters that work together towards a common goal. Unity comes in the form of balance and, it more importantly, comes in the form of love. Love abounds in truth. Sometimes truth hurts. Sometimes love looks like patience. Sometimes it looks like sacrifice. A healthy family isn’t a bunch of carbon-copied individuals. A healthy family embodies unity by building on a foundation of love expressed through uncomfortable truth, acceptance, accountability, earned respect, and boundaries.

A country is not quite the same as a family unit, but a healthy country will have a lot of the same push and pull and gridlock. It will have a spat or two or three... hundred. But, most importantly, it will have reasonable compromise. There is no reasonable compromise unless there is an agreed upon foundation. In families, the foundation is love. In America, it’s freedom. Individuals who operate within a system of individual freedom don’t experience the same circumstances, opportunities, or outcomes. To overreach and expect these things from a governing body is a path to totalitarianism, not utopia.

If the entire goal of unity hinges on the notion that everyone must agree, you might as well throw in the towel from the start. I bet you don’t agree with your grandmother, or even your own best friend, all the time. So let’s be real.

Every once in a while we all have to sacrifice part of our individual ideals to ensure the survival of the whole. Concessions are made. Freedom, when coupled with diversity (I mean, is freedom really freedom without diversity?), does not adhere to a winner takes all sentiment. There doesn't have to be a kiss and make up session and no one has to stop peaceably advocating for what they believe in, but a healthy practice of weighing individual ideals against the collectively agreed upon foundation of a governing body is necessary.

When it comes to communicating these scruples, brash directness gets a bad rap. Understandably so, though nuance can be equally damning and evasive. What sounds nice isn’t always what is right and what sounds harsh isn’t always wrong. So, how do we communicate effectively? The answer emerges when we apply the correct scale of reaction to any given action. The unity of a nation depends on the agreed upon foundation of a country as a whole. The unifying reverence for individual freedom depends on the tolerance of each individual’s rights and assessing if one person’s freedom is directly and unfairly preventing another person’s freedom, when applied in a properly scaled fashion.

A family that loves you will tell you the truth. A country that is free will fight for unity through compromise.

---

Was this article helpful? Ridiculous? Help us out:) Leave a comment, click the heart, follow us @RunningInHighHeelsPodcast, find us on iHeartRadio, and share with your friends. xo ~RHH